講英語(yǔ)笑話大全
笑話來(lái)源于生活，是學(xué)來(lái)的。笑話是一種經(jīng)過(guò)藝術(shù)加工的語(yǔ)言形式,是藝術(shù)化的語(yǔ)言，給大家收集了一些英語(yǔ)笑話，既能學(xué)習(xí)英語(yǔ)也能娛樂(lè)，歡迎大家閱讀！
昂貴的代價(jià)
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
牙科醫(yī)生：對(duì)不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀?
牙科醫(yī)生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了
我沒(méi)有睡著
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
當(dāng)一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個(gè)人會(huì)坐過(guò)站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說(shuō)：“先生，醒醒!”
“我沒(méi)有睡著�！蹦莻�(gè)男人回答。
“沒(méi)睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已�！�
可憐的丈夫
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
“你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說(shuō)，“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題，然后自己回答了，過(guò)后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的�！�
誰(shuí)更有禮貌?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
一個(gè)胖子和一個(gè)瘦子在爭(zhēng)論誰(shuí)更有禮貌。瘦子說(shuō)他更有禮貌，因?yàn)樗?jīng)常對(duì)女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認(rèn)為他更有風(fēng)度，因?yàn)闊o(wú)論什么時(shí)候他在車上給別人讓座時(shí)，總有兩位女士能坐下。
律師、寶馬和胳膊
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
一個(gè)律師打開(kāi)他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過(guò)來(lái)把門撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場(chǎng)，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛(ài)的寶馬。
“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的.!!!”律師哀怨地說(shuō)。
“你們律師真是物質(zhì)至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說(shuō)，“你這么關(guān)心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒(méi)有注意到你的左胳膊也沒(méi)了�！�
律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”
狗住旅店
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一個(gè)人給一家他計(jì)劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”
旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營(yíng)旅館很多年了，狗從沒(méi)偷過(guò)毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒(méi)有在半夜因?yàn)楣泛茸砗[而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實(shí)際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來(lái)我們旅館，如果它為您擔(dān)保，也歡迎您來(lái)。
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